There will be times when contemplatives feel they cannot pray anymore. All that is left to them is the desire to pray, sometimes buried under enormous difficulties in daily life along with interior purification. They need to be reminded again and again that the desire to pray is itself a prayer. St. John of the Cross wrote with great insight “Love consists not in feeling great things, but in having great detachment and in suffering for the Beloved.” The love of God is not a question of feeling but of choice … Thus someone who wants to pray is praying, and someone who feels no love is loving as long as he or she continues to remain available both in prayer and in daily life to the Divine Therapist.
Thomas Keating, Intimacy with God
“The way we would begin in prayer is that we belong to God …
all prayer starts and unfolds out of that knowing…”
Wise words from Thomas Merton to his novice monks. We would do well to listen for this inner certainty changes everything. But I can’t seem to hold on to this precious knowing. How do I swim in this golden river of love for longer than ten seconds, this fierce, ineffable, bottomless love of the Creator for creation?
image courtesy of elpopophoto
The truth is little by little. By myself, I can’t hold on to anything. But I am faithful to my Centering Prayer practice, as Jim Finley would say, “my daily rendezvous with God.”
Often, I find myself sighing deeply over my failings, sometimes laughing and other times tearful at my thoughts and actions. Thankfully, with less hateful judgment and criticism. I am living more and more of my life from a calm inner, compassionate awareness, and acceptance of my own preciousness in the face of my imperfections.
Perhaps I am swimming in the golden river of love and belonging more than I realize, especially when I look at myself with the eyes of God. This is good news.
Healing Gardens, Illinois, USA
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